guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
