I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
