her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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