I cockslap morals
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
