it wasn't lemon gatorade
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
