The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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