Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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