Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
