Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
