Jerry, you need to find god
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
