thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We got so high we made milksteak
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
