Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
