ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize