There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
