Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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