Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
