You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My vagina is officially offended.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
