my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
