you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
