You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
