It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
