Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
