If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
