I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
