we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
