I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
