Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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