What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
