She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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