Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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