I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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