apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
pop tarts are not kleenex
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
