Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You're like the curious george of whores
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
