I feel great
I just peed on a car
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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