it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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