OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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