even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
