I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Im part way to drunk.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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