She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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