if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
