1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
