Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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