Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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