Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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