You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
why do cheetos always look like penises
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
