my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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