Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Everclear isn't food dammit
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
