Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
