1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize