Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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