its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
