I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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