I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
