he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
