I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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