i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
