meet me or not, i'm out of control
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
