it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
