I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
