They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
