I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
