I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
