11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
