Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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