The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
