So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
