i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
