my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
