I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
