thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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