sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
