you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
