I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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