i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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