I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
