Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
