I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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