your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
