Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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