Too much gin, very little bucket
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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