I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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