for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
