He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
