Moan for me like Helen Keller
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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