Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
