he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
being pregnant is like rehab
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
