Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
