So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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