addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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