I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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