I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
