You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize