um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
