Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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