on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
