Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
