I just cut my nipple shaving
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
