the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think I died a long time ago.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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